Moulin Rouge

So we had never been to a cabaret before. It was like watching a bad musical where half the cast is topless. They opened with a terrible pop techno ballad. To give you an idea, the chorus was, "Dance Dance Party Dance".

Then came the asian dance montage. First some pirates capture a princess. Then a bunch of snake women conjured medusa. Then Medusa sacrificed a woman to a pond of snakes. This was the coolest bit as it involved a hydraulic pool filled with live snakes and a swimming snake charmer. Then the prince and the princess sang a love song while they were suspended by wires and illuminated with black lights. Then some russian dancers fought some tiger women. Then everybody came on stage for the final number with a bunch of glowing japanese heads.

Each dancing section was separated by a cool variety act. The first were two guys that came out dressed up Matrix style. Then they threw their coats off and did balancing acts as good as you see in Cirque du Soleil. The most impressive was a one hand stand off the other guys head.

Then there was a circus musical montage. There were old fashioned clowns that were neither funny nor agile. Then there were miniature horses the size of german shepherds. I'd never seen horses that small, but still the novelty wore off as the whole bit was just them being walked in circles. Then there were two women in one big dress who did a comedy song about being stuck together (I think). Then there were women dressed as lions and a lion tamer. And once again everyone came out on stage for a big finale. I think they relied way too much on the toplessness

The next variety act was a guy on a 6 foot tall unicycle. He did some incredible balancing tricks. He kept kicking cups and plates on top of his head all while cycling on a platform maybe 4 feet in diameter. It was really cool, but not as cool as the balancing guys.

Then they did the traditional French Can Can. There was the kickline and then individual dancers would come forward to demonstrate that they could kick really high. In all honesty, it teetered between dull and absurd.

The last variety act was a clown with a kazoo, that he used to create sound effects to make it seem like he was driving. He was hilarious. He spoke only in mumbled clown babble from which you could occasionally pull out a french, american or german phrase. He then pulled a bunch of audience members on stage and proceeded to put them through a fake filming of a movie. It was some of the best improv I've seen in ages. In the end, when he put the two men on stage to fighting each other, he walked away with one of the women he pulled on stage. Like most good improv, it's hard to recapture the hilarity in the retelling, but he was great.

The final musical number was a montage of American music. It started with the boogie woogie bugle boy from company B, then transitioned into I will survive, followed by an 80's rock montage that reminded me of Gem (the cartoon created because GI-Joe wasn't selling enough my little ponies). The closing number was a reprise of dance dance party dance.

Apart from the free bottle of champagne and the variety acts, I was not impressed by cabaret. It's a bizarre spectical of a by gone era. Showgirls in big feathered hats just look bizarre. We prefer Cirque du Soleil's modern sense of style and seemingly superhuman performers to the glitz and glam of the cabaret by far. Now that I've seen the real thing, I realize the movie was better.